Meet my Friend, John Mayer

There’s something about John Mayer’s music, sense of humor, and overall attitude he has that makes me think me and him would be really good friends. Should I ever become famous and have a career that somehow allows me to meet him and travel with him, mind you. We’d have buddy-buddy conversations on a private plane. Both trying to impress the other with stories of encounters with women, how we messed with the paparazzi in a way to cope with them, and things we’d like to try; like crowd-surfing. Then, after long nights filled with troubles or just random flashbacks of failed relationships, we’d talk about life, find a few laughs somewhere in seriousness of it all, and shrug off how late it was every time we caught a glimpse of the clock. It’d be like talking to the future me, except that I’d know that I could never pull off his…’essence’, if you will.
The past few years, I’ve had this deep desire to be famous. Not some horrible actor who sold their soul to Disney Channel for a few years of fame and then a spiral downwards, caused by drugs and desperation. No, I want to be a legit actor. Not a celebrity, an entertainer. Shaking up Hollywood with a charisma that doesn’t match other actors my age. Going on dates with A-Listers like Julia Roberts, Sigourney Weaver, and Tina Fey. I’d do it just for the story of it, of course. Just a little something to throw the gossip magazines outta whack. On and off camera I’d be interesting. Trying to be a smug bastard when asked about a relationship. Being witty and clever as possible, but keeping quiet enough to make ‘em be satisfied and want more at the same time.
But it’s not the paparazzi that make me want to be famous. It’s not the attention. It’s a combination of both my love of humor and need to leave here. I know it’s so cliché for someone in a small town to want to make it big, but it’s not wholly why I want to become an comedian. I want to be a comedian because I feel better about who I am when I put myself on display. Not to show off, just to become something new. Hopefully become a little bit of light in this ever-dimming world. The other reason I want to be a comedian is because I love to make people laugh and I truly believe if I do, I can handle myself. Deep down, I’m an arrogant SOB. Really, I am. I fight it and I hide it the best I can, but it’s there. I don’t think I’m some God or better than everyone else, I just feel like I’m sitting in this town, waiting for my chance to leave. If and when the time does come, I’m leaving. I’m going to smile at everyone who ever ridiculed me, looked down on me, and brushed me off when I tried to just talk to them. I’ll leave it all on that smile.
I know simply being famous will make all my problems go away, but it will take away a lot of them. I suspect I’d only talk to my family whenever they call. Whatever project I’m working on at the time would be my only concern. Having time alone to myself. Having my own house. Walking that dangerous line of “conceited lone wolf” and “trying to be alone because I feel alone.” Walking into my house after a long night. Alone because I’m smart enough not to have a fling. Figuring myself out. Thinking about all the girls in my life. Feeling a different pain from each of them as I dwell on what was and what could have been. Call my best friend and great time with them because I need someone to bring me back to Earth. Look back on my depression and realize the pattern I go through every time I get depressed. I’d do some charity things. Probably find a way to get into the music industry. Rap, maybe. Hip-hop, most likely. Maybe do something with Andy Samberg because I'd like to be seen as an all around funny guy.
I love my sense of humor, even though I'm still sculpting it and figuring out what fits on stage. It’s something I use to find some relief from being me. I’m arrogant, I can be hateful, I say things impulsively, I deal with things I can’t control with humor to a fault. All I know right now is that becoming a comedian is either going to help me get rid of who I am for good, or become more comfortable with me. I guess I’ll only learn that if I become famous. Let’s hope I learn that lesson.

I know how off all this sounds.

I know how most people see me as some weird kid who writes jokes.

I know people want to break my fingers so I can't write more statuses.

Trust me, I'm very self-aware.

I don't think the same way others do.

I'm not special, I'm mentally 'here'.

I just see things in a different way.

I try to find humor in everything.

It's just how I learned to cope with getting picked on for the past 6 years or so.

I figured that if I could just take all the posion that people spit and turn it into something light,

then I had accomplished something great.

I know that if I do comedy, then I can show people that I'm not so stupid.

I can show people that I'm more than I'm made out to be.

I can show myself I can do something that very few people can do.

Just show myself that I can do something.