Back in 8th grade I realized I would really like a girlfriend. Not as an ego boost or anything like that, just someone who I could hold hands with and would let me stare at her because I thought the world of her. So I decided I needed to become a better me. I cleaned up my act. I stopped swearing, I stopped saying perverted things, lost a good bit of weight, started writing poetry (okay, I did that on my own, but I still count it), and I became an all around nicer person. It was all going well, too. I was talking to the most beautiful girl in the school. I’m not kidding either. She was breathtaking and I smiled every time I was around her. So, she sent me a little message one Sunday night saying “I think I’m falling for you.” I won’t lie to you, I flipped out. The second my brain comprehended it was the second I rolled off my bed in a fit of joy. Without missing a beat, I close my eyes and thanked God for what I was sure was gonna happen. I thanked Him for answering my prayer for a girlfriend that I prayed for month after month. And I thanked Him because He answered me with her, the girl I was crazy about and still couldn’t believe I was even talking to. So, skipping to the next morning, I woke up with a smile on my face because I knew me and her were finally going to be together. The entire time between waking up and actually seeing her was filled with me thanking God over and over. I nearly ran to the class I had with her. We both knew what was going to happen, I just needed to ask her and make it official. She was smiling her beautiful, sincere smile and I was beaming. I asked her and she told me to go sit down. She went to her desk and wrote on a piece of paper. She came to me with the paper and it had a poem written on it that was something along the lines of “When you asked me / My heart jumped out my chest / And my answer to your question is / Yes, yes, yes!” (Oh, I should tell you that the thing that got me and her talking was poetry. We connected with that and it was our “thing” that drew us to each other. We’d send messages in poems. It was cute) So, after that class I went to my two other ones. I couldn’t tell you how many times I thanked God for her and I being together. The whole time I was going over what I planned our relationship to be like with God. “Thank You, thank You, thank You! I promise You that me and her aren’t going to do anything sexual. Not at all. I’ll start bringing her to church and let her get to know You through me talking about You. I’m going to be there for her ANYTIME she needs me. I’m going to be the best boyfriend alive and I’m going to be her best friend. Thank You, thank You again!” Yeah, that was my mind for about three hours. Have you gotten the hint that I like her? Anyways, lunch came around and I saw her talking to her ex (we'll call him 'Bob'). I didn’t really think anything of it. I just wanted to hold her hand for the first time. 'Bob'went one way and she walked over to me. She told me we couldn’t be together right as I took out a poem I wrote her about how I was so happy to be with her. She walked away. I stood there and felt a flood of sadness go over my entire body. I sat with my friends and held back tears as I ripped up the note. I could see her from where I was sitting. She didn’t look back once.
That’s what being a ‘good guy’ got me. I’m sitting there, trying to make an actual relationship with someone I really have strong feelings for while douchebags are getting girls they barely know left and right.
What is there to gain from being the nice guy like I was? A heart broken and hopes for a real relationship shattered? That seems to be the answer. I don’t make the rules of this dating game, I’m just a contestant in it. If I actually want to be with someone I think is amazing, I have to be some uncaring, womanizing, sex crazed, egotistical ‘dude’ that I despise. I have to become what I hate if I want to quit feeling so lonely. There’s more to lose being the good guy, it seems. Why not see what being a douchebag gets me?
